I need to vent. 

I am feeling insecure.

What is trust. Where is my faith. Why am i worrying abt. Should i even talk to people? Are they trustworthy?

Is it because im loney?

Argh.

Withdrawal?

It's in me, reignited.

But that's definitely not what i want. i guess it's just me in denial state.

i had enough of monotonous life and i want something wild to pump my blood up once more.

to risk big to win big. but at the same time to lose big.

it's reflected in my actions, my thoughts, my everything. i want to win big but im taking the safe route. there is nothing wrong with it, it's just the imbalance that i feel at times.

i want to do something wild. if it's not this it has to be something else. What?

Maybe i just want to proof to myself i have it in me. i have.

Is it me? Or is it the matter? or is it the time?

maybe i should stop thinking.

15 sept 06

weeet. im sick. cant move my body freely since i woke up. horrible headace plus fever.

LACK OF SLEEP.

anw im better alrdy thanks to some drugs by the name of PANADOL. =P

**********

15th SEPT 2006 FRIDAY

I was supposed to meet shin for lunch tog before training. To "celebrate" her birthday! but HEH, we both were late. training starts at 4pm that day so i got to rush off for training in no time.

Slack arnd for a while and cam whore abit.

yea, taken at the bus stop. HEH. anw, she accompanied me to sch since she also need to hand up some forms to the sch. didnt exactly celebrated. but nehh mind la its the thought that counts. HEHE.

Training ended at 9pm that night, we ended early cos Audrey, our MF senior was having her 21st Birthday Party at Loyang, and she invited everyone of us.

I decided to go last min, cos justin can fetch us back to jurong after the whole event!! =X and because sue and ryan also known as my bus buddy also decided to go last min.

RANDOM SHOTS @ audrey's party.

The food was nice. BUFFET. tell me how are the magnum girls gonna keep their weight WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY PARTIES, CELEBRATION with so much food. =X

im so sorry, but i couldn't resist. BAHHH.

Sat around in the round table and chatted with Ms Leong & coach lenny, tog with some seniors, birthday girl and us juniors. then there's this helium filled ballon who loves lenny so much that it always flew to his direction. nah im kidding, its all due to the FAN that keeps the ballon in that direction. LOLS

The chalet is HUGE In my opinion. 3 or 4 rooms i cant rem, and audrey actually classified the different room for her different clicks, ect one for RAINBOW, and what SENIOR CITIZEN for the magnum old birds. LOL. they were playing majiong inside. and us, jrs go in and peeped.

Zhijun & i decided to do something funny funny. LOL. so we asked JUSTIN to stand in between us. and yea. here is it. HAHA.
There's this senior by the name of KAIWEN, his BIKE is so freaking HUGE and cool. den jannies sue and i was like so facinated by it so we took pix with his bike acting as thou it's OUR BIKE. LOLS. but my pix are with SUE. i'll upload after i received it. =D

Last but not least, a pix with the gorgeous birthday girl.AUDREY.


Happy birthday Audrey :)

many a times.

many a times, i wanted to show my concern for you.
many a times, i wanted to tell you how i feel.
many a times, i wanted you to know my loss of words.
many a times, i wanted to let you know i missed you.

there are so many things i wish i could share with you, but i know the distance between us is such a great difference till i dont have the courage to know how far.

i love you.

am i on the right track?

i don't know if im on the right track.
i don't know if im clear of what im going.
i don't know if YOU are sure abt wad ur doing.
i don't know if i can face the outcome alone.

but i treasure the time i have now.

thou i still lead the life of a tissue paper.

do i really don't mind?

am i really sure?

i thought

i thought everything had started anew.
i thought ive forgoteen everything.
i thought i could overcome what i cant.
i thought ive deleted you from my database.
i thought ive stepped into a new phrase of life.
i thought ive tagret another him.
i thought all was gone.

but all was wrong, when i saw u once again.

Simple romance.

I longed for simple romance.

what is simple? what is romance?

I cannot find a defination; its feeling.

Sometimes i wished i was just like who i was when i was younger, simply telling that someone i cared, or i like, or i loved him or her.

As i aged. i dare not. i became timid.

I wished you could turn around somehow.
I wished i could cling on to you forever.
I wished you were mine.
I wished all this had never happend.